Clifford’s Cat Hats
our ability as humans to humiliate other species is unparalleled. We have devised many ways of showing them who’s boss, from squirting cosmetics in their eyes to eating them. But the best way to put an animal in its place is to make it wear a silly hat. So pick up a pair of pink bunny ears for your cat today! At just $14.99 plus shipping, what other product provides so much degradation for so little money? [jamiewhite. com/html/clifford_s_cat_hats.html]
Traditional bondage is fine and dandy if you don’t mind staying in the house. But if you want to be restrained on the go, consider a fetish for casts. They may slow you down a tad, but their sexiness more than makes up for it. Once you’ve acquired a taste for plaster, Castfetish will provide you with all the boo-boo–enhanced beauties you can handle. (Warning: This is an adult-oriented site, though you won’t see any nudity without paying.) [castfetish.com]
The Killer Japanese Seizure Robots!
Do not resist the Seizure Robots. Do not taunt the Seizure Robots. Do not bring up the Seizure Robots’ garish fashion sense. Do not remind the Seizure Robots of their nasty run-in with Voltron last year. Do not look away from the Seizure Robots’ flashing lights. Do not point out the Seizure Robots’ superfluous horns. Do not follow this link unless having your brain melted sounds like fun. [seizurerobots.com]
Who cares about young, buff egomaniacs struggling for survival in the tropics? We’d much rather watch sagging retirees duke it out in a dismal British seaside resort. The “harsh yet still charmless” terrain of Canvey Island provides ample challenge with its roaming pet dogs, hovering seagulls, and fiendish immunity challenges (one involved a sadistic combination of walking, talking, moaning, and reminiscing; another forced them to not talk about bowel movements). While all the contestants seem on the verge of death, amazingly enough, one will survive to take the prize. [survivor-sucks.co.uk]
Hooked on a Feeling
as if he hadn’t done enough damage to the cultural landscape with his profoundly disturbing work on Knight Rider and Baywatch, David Hasselhoff has also cultivated a successful singing career in Germany. Up until now, this contagion has been safely quarantined abroad. But the Internet now threatens to unleash this obnoxious infestation on us here in the civilized world, in the form of the video for Hasselhoff’s cover of this ‘60s feel-good classic. You can’t outrun it; your only hope is to face it head on. Be warned: Those who survive its ravages often wish they hadn’t. [www.hellonetwork.com/demo/toysclub/video.asp?speed=hook300]
Copyright © 2002 Ziff Davis Media Inc. All Rights Reserved. Originally appearing in Yahoo! Internet Life.