I’m 30 going on 15

I’m 30 going on 15

I honestly need advice on how to meet women. I’m just coming off a six-year relationship and feel as if I’m 15 again. I’m scared to talk, and I don’t know what to say when I do. Please help.

YES, DATING will do that to a person–at any age. Think of it as nature’s incentive to invest time and effort in choosing a partner well, and in maintaining the relationship, so that you never have to return to the mate-market again. It feels scary and awkward now? Imagine it at, say, 50 or 60.

No matter how wise life experience may make us, dating always exaggerates the differences between men and women and tosses us back into absurdly primitive mind-sets. At best it’s like high school all over again. You could be in the middle of preparing a brief for the Supreme Court and find yourself thinking of that attractive stranger whose eyes you met momentarily on the street: Does she work around here? How can I find myself in her path again? What would I say to her? Would she like me? How do I come across?

The best way to meet women is to be interesting and be yourself. Do more of the things you’re passionate about; that not only makes you attractive and feels rewarding, it puts you in a position to encounter women with similar interests, making initial conversation that much easier. Let all of your friends know you are available–their girlfriends have girlfriends–and force yourself to accept all invitations to parties, weddings, celebrations of any kind. Join groups that engage in activities you like–hiking, biking and ski clubs. Lock up your television set, get out of the house and go where young people go. And don’t overlook Internet dating sites; they vastly increase the pool of possible women. You can engage in flirtation and information exchange at a rate that is comfortable for you. Sure, there’s still always the awkwardness of a first date, but without it, there’ll never be a second.

COPYRIGHT 2004 Sussex Publishers, Inc.

COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group