Canadian football just wouldn’t fit in Milwaukee

Canadian football just wouldn’t fit in Milwaukee

Michael Bauman

THIRTEEN REASONS why the Canadian Football League is not coming to Milwaukee:

1 It won’t fit.

The CFL Las Vegas franchise wants to make County Stadium its Milwaukee home. The standard CFL field, including the end zones, is 150 yards long. You can barely put an NFL field in County Stadium. If a regulation CFL game were played in County Stadium, you might be able to see a guy catching a touchdown pass next to a nachos stand.

“OK, here’s the play: You go deep. When you get to the men’s room, go in the `Out’ door, then come out the `In’ door. They’ll never be looking for that pattern.”

2 Somebody already plays there.

Theoretically, at least, County Stadium already has a primary tenant, the Milwaukee Brewers. The CFL entry would play nine regular season games at County Stadium, during the summer and early autumn.

Let’s assume great summer weather. That means it would rain real hard during only three of those football games. What do you think the field would look like for the rest of the baseball season? That’s right; the Horicon Marsh.

3 Milwaukee County owns County Stadium, but the Brewers operate it. Will the Brewers smile upon the CFL as a new tenant?

Publicly, the Brewers have to be very polite these days. But they don’t need competition for summer dates. They don’t need another sporting venture cutting into ticket sales. They need the CFL in County Stadium like they need another year on Teddy Higuera’s contract.

4 County Stadium may not be there forever.

The Brewers are still planning to build a new stadium. With the departure of the Packers, the plans are that this will be a baseball-only stadium. You think the Brewers and the taxpayers will foot the extra, untold millions to accommodate a CFL team? Get serious.

5 Then where do they play, if not at County Stadium?

Good question.

6 People here are fans of major-league football. The CFL is not that.

The CFL is a place for football players who are steps slow, pounds light and inches short. The CFL is to the NFL what the American Bauman

Please see Bauman page 10 From page 7

Association is to the American League.

It is not to be confused with professional football as we know it. Doug Flutie is a giant in the CFL. In the NFL, he could not even see the receivers, much less pass to them.

7 The CFL is not necessarily beneficial to your overall well- being.

It’s a novelty act. It’s something for ESPN to put on TV when everybody else is on strike. It’s like eating oysters; it may be interesting once or twice, but there is no sound reason for making it a regular part of your diet.

8 Many of our local political leaders appear to be in favor of the CFL coming to Milwaukee.

See? This really is a shaky proposition.

9 We’ve already seen enough losing football teams, thank you.

This team they’re talking about bringing here, the Las Vegas Posse, was 5-13 last year. So what you’re looking at is not only minor-league football, but bad minor-league football.

10 We have also filled our quota of local franchises that lose money.

The Posse lost $5.1 million last season. And that was in Las Vegas, where people treat money like it’s water coming endlessly out of the faucet. The Posse averaged less than 10,000 fans per game. You think after the novelty wears off, typically fiscally conservative Wisconsinites would be compelled to show up by the thousands? Maybe not.

You know what these Posse people want? They want Milwaukee County and the Brewers to GIVE them the use of County Stadium. There is one good response to their position: Get a real job.

11 The CFL team would hurt Arena League Football.

OK, maybe some of you aren’t that shook up by this prospect. But a lot of people liked Arena League Football. A lot of people liked listening to Pearl Jam between plays. A lot of people liked scantily-clad cheerleaders falling out of their costumes. It is not up to the rest of us to put them down. Besides, when it comes to Arena League Football and the Canadian Football League, the Arena people were here first.

12 We’ve got larger fish to fry.

Making the assumption that baseball will be played again someday, job one is securing the future of Milwaukee’s major- league franchise. There is much work to be done on that front. That is the meat-and-potatoes issue. The CFL is more like the after-dinner drink issue. Why don’t you guys get back to us after we have eaten?

13 The Canadian Football League is un-American.

Copyright 1995

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