Holy music mania

Holy music mania – Holy Paraphernalia Mania

Arlo J. Pignotti

Maybe it is wrong for me to make, fun of a genre of music that I have hardly given a chance. But with such poor and negative messages that come across in most religious music, I think there are many Atheists who would agree that, as far as we’re concerned, this kind of music is a pretty big waste of compression waves unless we are able to get a good laugh out of it.

In religious stores you can find all kinds of sophisticated religious instruments from Jesus fish-shaped tambourines to… well… David’s star-shaped tambourines. Search through a selection of T-shirts that read “Jam for the Lamb!” and “I play for an audience of one” (which comes to show just how unpopular Christian music is no matter how hard they try). You can come across a pretty wide range of holy music these days from all denominations. Islamic Rap, Catholic Techno, you name it.

Perhaps the funniest Christian music is called “Heavenly Heavy Metal” — also known as “Holy Heavy Metal” or even “Christian Death Metal.” Hear the objectively horrible hardcore sound of bands like “Santifica,” “Cross Examination,” “Metal Messiah,” “Maximum Pentecost,” “Sin Dizzy,” “Faith Bomb,” “Deuteronomiumin,” “Leviticus,” and even Catholic heavy metal bands such as “Altar Boys” and “Pergamon” (which must be some kind of Pokemon in Purgatory).

See the contorted logo of “Farfromburnin’.” One third pentagram, one third David’s star and one third cross!

Cringe at the legendary has-been style of Holy Soldier!

Feel the pain of “One Bad Pig” (composed of four bad musicians). David Clark, winner of the American Atheists’ 2002 Defending the Wall award is stuck with one bad tattoo! David Clark grew up as a Christian Fundamentalist, but is now an Atheist church/state separation activist. David can always prove he was one devout believer with this mark, which is far worse than any mark of the beast…

This delightful tattoo of a punkish pig being engulfed in flames is the band’s logo. The name of the lead screamer for One Bad Pig is Carey “Kosher” Womack. Their first album is titled “A Christian Banned,” because churches tend to kick them out when they start playing. I am actually not joking. That really is why they gave the album that title, as explained on their official one bad Web-site. The album features the song “Go and Blow,” which I am sure is just what the audience told them to do. Other songs by One Bad Pig are “Godarchy,” “You’re a Pagan,” “See Me Sweat,” “Thrash Against Sin,” and the ever-so hard-core rockin’ title “Christmas Time.” They even play traditional Christian classics too — like the Green Acres theme on their live album.

You can catch up on what all the Christian Death Metal bands are doing in Metal Mission magazine…

Equally ridiculous is “Christian Gangster Rap” groups like “God’z Original Gangstas” or “Spiritual Warfare.” Those guys are way out there. The same goes for what is called “HHH,” which stands for “Holy Hip Hop.”

Not only can you find spiritual music, but now there is even a New Age craze of spiritual sounds known as “Life Essence” that can be purchased on CD. The Life Essence CDs claim to feed your “subtle body” vitamins and even ginseng using sound waves! There are also Feng Shui CDs that you can play to balance your Chi and/or Aura. What will they think of next?

My next step in collecting holy music paraphernalia shall be to see if I can get Christian musician Amy Grant to sign this shot of her giving the sign of Satan with her left hand…

Until then, I’ll just keep on showing and telling the religious paraphernalia I have collected in the past couple of years for the enjoyment of Atheists, Agnostics, and other Freethinkers. If anyone out there discovers wild and wacky religious music, gadgets, tracts, or toys, please write to me at pine@texas.net.

COPYRIGHT 2002 American Atheists Inc.

COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group